When I was in high school I read a book called “Singularity “, I liked it so much I read it several more times and eventually bought a second hand copy as a gift to my dad
Singularity is about twin brothers who move to a new home that has a shed on the back of the property. The shed is home to a singularity, that is, time passes much faster inside the shed then the rest of the world. Due to what I assume are common twin complaints (“I want to be unique, my girlfriend is mixing us up” etc) one of the twins decides to spend the night in the shed to end up a year older than his brother. The alien-esque monster on the front is the strange metallic dragon that can be seen in the drain of the shed’s sink, gradually drawing closer (I’m not sure what purpose the dragon serves other than an eventual plot device to destroy the singularity). There is a lot of time spent describing the dragon, it sort of sounds like one of the sculptures made from pop can
The REASON I enjoyed the book as much as I did, was the concept of “secret biceps”. Secret biceps is not something covered in the book, it is my own term coined to describe the main character’s night spent in the shed. Since the character is spending an entire year in a shed he decides to pass the time by doing what my brother calls “the movie star fitness routine”. We have all seen films such as “The Dark Knight” or any movie where the main character ends up prison and the characters gain Mr. Universe physiques by doing pushups, situps and pullups; movie star fitness routine. In the book, our shed-bound boy makes good on his year of isolation by following a strict routine of pushups, situps and pullups AND he leaves the shed for an hour at a time to jog naked (since it’s the middle of the night in the real world). Wouldn’t that be great? Not the jogging naked part but your family going to sleep, waking up and shuffling into the kitchen to paw the fruitloop box out of the cupboard and there you are holding the milk looking like a victoria secret model.
WHAT A CONCEPT!
As a teen reading the book it was a fantasy that I could hole up in shed where time passes faster and be pretty much forced to work out. As an adult (theoretically) I realize that while everyone else on the planet is wasting their time SLEEPING at night, here I am with all these hours I could be building secret biceps, insomnia is the singularity ! If I started doing pushups during the half hour long Proactiv commercial at 3 am, I could be that after picture!
This brought me to a second thought, I could come up with an exercise program that involved locking people in sheds for extended periods of time and pushing photocopies of glute targeting thrusts (I’m sure that’s a thing) under the door. In the book the character survives on peanut butter and soda crackers; is this a book of fiction? YES! Can I choose to believe that soda crackers and peanut butter are the new fad diet and charge my shed bound fatties triple the supermarket price for them? YES!
“Just do pages 1-end of the book. Don’t eat all the peanut butter at once”
Until I can buy acreage and build a village of sheds I will have to enact my secret biceps on my own. Beside all that, this book is a really great read and I super recommend it, although after reading this post you may have more trouble reading it seriously.
I will keep you up to date loyal readers and let you know what’s up my sleeve (GET IT?? Up my sleeve? Because of the secret biceps? Which are on arms, which are up sleeves? I kill myself.)